i dont want to cry again
i'll never see your face again..
-manhattan skyline.
my heart wants to break.
my dog is leaving me tomorrow or sunday.
i have been crying every single night
i dont even know how i can describe it
people talk about loving their dog
but i live and breathe my dog
i love her every single day
how can i say goodbye?
i cant even tell my friends about how much i love her
i will start crying i know
and they wont understand, to them she is just a dog.
it may sound so dumb but i love her more than all my friends combined.
do u think she will blame me?
my dog will only exist virtually for me from this weekend onwards. and in photographs and memories.
when she's sick and alone and sad i wont even know.
and when she is feeling all that i will be here in comfort. with my family.
and what can i do about it?
nothing.
i cant even tell anyone.
i tried very hard to detach myself from it the whole day
i tried not to think about it
but i couldnt.
this cant go on.
Saturday, July 28, 2001
03:05 a.m.
+
v
goodbye my fucking ass
lets see
updates.
i will be going to spain on holiday on wednesday
right now i do not feel like going
i will elaborate later
ive always wanted to go backpacking
and the fact that my parents actually allowed me to go this time actually amazes me.
i will be going to madrid then barcelona and some small
towns like segovia and toledo
maybe to bilbao and ibiza too but we'll see.
my bag is half packed
im gonna sort things out after this
shades i bought to wear to spain!
what a poser i am!!!
anyway i got my results back in early june
F F D D+ C B-
hey +ves and -es count when u do that badly!
i lied about my results to my parents so that i can go to spain
what a bitch i am.
but think about it
even if they knew the truth what difference would it make?
it would only worry them and they would just ground me.
anyway im determined to study hard next semester.
REALLY! afterall i am gonna get kicked outta uni if i dont and i really dont want that happening!
really really really really..
i am the apple strudel fanatic
i can do anything
i have been having it three nights in a row
ritz apple strudel is the best shit
it is ace. it is brilliant.
it is laden with cholestrol and shit like that
but i dont give a fuck!
its good shit!!
ahhhhhh!!!!!
at least its better than those half fucked pastries
la di da.
ok
back to my big problem now
my parents have really made up their minds to give chevy away
i dont know what to do
i dont think i can face bringing her back to the fucking spca and watch her face as she is locked up into one of the filthy cages there again
i dont even know if i hope that she understands it or if its better that she is ignorant.
it sucks either way.
i would be happy if she went to a house with a bigger garden and with someone to look over her 24-7
but just thinking of how she feels when she leaves us really makes me sad.
imagine, my dog has done no wrong.
it is the humans who err yet she has to pay the price and wonder why her owners keep leaving her at the spca time and again[i got her from there]
i dont want to go to spain because i dont want to leave her here and our time together is very precious now.
i dont even know if i should tell my parents to do it while im in spain. i dont think i can say goodbye.
ok im gonna cry again and i cant. i did it the whole afternoon and what good did it do?
shit.
oh and if ure wondering why i cant just find a home for her its cos its an spca regulation that u have to return the dogs there if u dont want to keep them anymore.
i geuss the only solution now is to ask around for a suitable owner and get the person to adopt her from the spca immediately when we bring her there.
fuck this shit man.
things arent looking good on the friendship front too
as of now i have like maybe one close female friend left in singapore. how cool is that. and my best friend is going to be taken from me soon.
i love you chevy.
Sunday, June 17, 2001
12:41 a.m.
+
v
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
02:22 a.m.
+
v